Chapter 2 - Frankenstein - October 2007 Through October 2010

In October 2007 is when I joined the ranks of seeing a psychiatrist. I remember filling out a questionnaire in the office lobby and then directly went to visit the doctor. I am skeptical that the questionnaire was even looked at as he took no time at all to prescribe me Effexor (150mg).

I have maintained a daily rating scale, of how I feel, since this all began and up until now I was averaging in the low 90% (100% = I feel perfect). The low 90's is not to bad right? As soon as I went on Effexor the daily scale began to drop into the low 70's. What is the psychiatrist solution to this? Up the dosage, of course, and when that doesn't work let's try some add-ons. Don't deviate from Effexor though because that might interrupt any kick-backs being received from the pharmaceutical company!

Here is my trip through Effexor and various add-ons with "how I felt" off to the side.
Effexor 150mg = 75%
Effexor 225mg = 83%
Effexor 300mg = 82%
Effexor 150mg + Lamictal 50mg = 88%
Effexor 150mg + Lamictal 100mg = 89%
Effexor 150mg + Lamictal 150mg = 90%
Effexor 150mg + Lamictal 200mg = 88%
Effexor 150mg + Lamictal 50mg = 88%
Effexor 150mg + Resperidone 1mg = 88%
Effexor 150mg + Depakote 500mg = 87%
Effexor 150mg + Depakote 750mg = 80%
Effexor 150mg + Depakote 1000mg = 87%
Effexor 150mg + Depakote 1500mg = 86%
Effexor 150mg + Geodon 40mg = 67%
Effexor 150mg + Seroquel 50mg = 70%
Effexor 150mg + Seroquel 100mg = 75%
Effexor 150mg + Seroquel 150mg = 70%
Effexor 150mg + Oxcarbazepine 450mg = 70%
Effexor 150mg + Nortriptylin 450mg = 80%

Looking back at this data is where I have realized that the psychiatrist, who I tagged Frankenstein, was just trying different stuff on me. With a mentality of well that medication didn't work let's try something else. His experiments were based on what works for others (most of the time) will certainly work for me. Wouldn't it have been novel to actually try and figure out WHY certain medications were not working instead of using me as a human pin cushion?

I realize that trying different types of medications (SSRI's, SNRI's, anti convulsants, atypical anti psychotics, tetracyclics, atypical/norepinephrine-dopamine reuptake inhibition, etc.) is one way to try and figure out what works. But, this back door approach where I am the test subject just really pisses me off! Never once was there a blood test done to actually determine if I am deficient or over producing some needed chemical.

The next crazy psychiatry trial was to stop Effexor and introduce Symbyax. Here is where it starts getting really interesting.

Chapter 1 - My Kryptonite - 2005/2007

I have always been shy, not painfully, but not a social butterfly. I am the one who supports others..greases the wheels as they say. I am not a salesman, but have always done better socially when a little alcohol is involved. I have never felt typical depression symptoms like self worth issues, the blues, hating myself, etc., and definitely never had suicide ideations. Nor do I have any reason to be depressed (situational). I have a great wife, a great son, a great job, and hobbies that I enjoy. Don't get me wrong because I experience life with its ups and down, but still I have never felt the typical depression symptoms. The so called depression gene is present in my family. My father took his life when he was 50 years old. His father also committed suicide. So, I am not in denial of the potential for disaster.

What I do feel is a sort of fatigue. It comes and goes at random times. Sometimes it is an hour, and sometimes it is all day long. The best way I can describe the way I feel is similar to a hangover or jet lag. I call it "my kryptonite" because, not that I'm Superman, but to put it in perspective it is like if I were Superman then I get too close to a piece of kryptonite. My energy is drained, my motivation is lost and I just feel like total crap. The only relief is to go to sleep. Sometimes when I wake up the feeling is gone, sometimes not.

Once I exhausted myself trying to pinpoint if I had some kind of allergy and/or vitamin mineral deficiency I went to my general doctor. He scratched his head, looked at me like I was weird then prescribed Celexa (Citalopram), and told me he thought it was probably depression.

I began to keep a fairly detailed journal titled "How Do I Feel". It contained an analysis of daily life variations including adherence to a good diet (I follow the Zone principles by Dr. Barry Sears), tobacco usage (I dip snuff), alcohol consumption, social activity, stress at work, stress at home, the weather, how regular (poop) I am, sleep and physical activity (I am a pretty religious runner).

Unfortunately, from three years of data, I could not link a particular event to what would make me feel bad. I stayed on Celexa for about 18 months, and knowing what I do today I actually felt pretty good - most of the time. I continued to have "my kryptonite" episodes and probably should have just accepted that.

I must have missed a dose one day because I remember feeling light headed and kind of dizzy and thought this is not good. So I made an appointment with my general doctor to figure out what's up. He recommended that I go see a psychiatrist who could do a better job of tweaking medications.

Hind sight is 20/20, but I think this is the time when things started to go all wrong. Four years later, knowing what I do now I feel completely stupid for complaining about feeling dizzy one day!

Refractory..Treatment Resistant Depression

Is there anybody out there who has fell victim to modern day psychiatry? What I mean by that is today's phychiatrists seem to spend 10-15 minutes with you once a month and diagnose a mental condition that may or may not exist by prescribing medications. If (and that's a big IF) a particular medication works then I'm happy for you. But if the med doesn't work then they try changing the med or prescribe add-ons in attempt to relieve the symptoms of the condition. Once the Dr. exhausts his/her trial and error technique and you don't feel any better then they just recommend another Dr.

I have been on 15 different antidepressants (not at the same time), 20 sessions of ECT, 5 psychiatrists, and 2 therapists. None of it works!

To make a long story short..about 7 years ago I had random bouts of unexplained fatigue. My general Dr. prescribed Citalapram which seemed to work OK, but never really got rid of the fatigue. From there he recommended a Psychiatrist who in turn started the whirlwind of trial and error meds. Which landed me in the mental hospital. Another Psychiatrist, 20 ECT treatments and more trial and error meds has resulted in no real improvement.

I am now taking my psychiatry into my hands because I know enough now to do trial and error experiments on my own.

I have a lot of information to share, but would like to know first if there are others out there who are in a similar situation and willing to share.